1. Ask yourself if you became a couple for the right reasons

2. Audit your journey together as a couple, when did you two drop the ball?

3. Find out if you have a history of being a quitter. Do you easily run in life when things get tough? You will keep building and destroying

4. Look back at the old videos and photos (wedding photos) of you as a couple, maybe a spark will be reignited

5. Ask yourself if you are giving up because the relationship/marriage has no hope, or because you have a new catch who is distracting you. Even with that new catch, one day you will get to a rocky season, will you give up then also?

6. Go for a month without drinking alcohol, and see if you will think in a sober way. Don't lose your family whilst intoxicated

7. Say sorry for the wrongs your partner perceives you have done, don't justify or explain. Say sorry and see if it will make your partner less combative

8. Do the things your partner has been asking you to do and stop what your partner has been complaining about you. See if this will impact your partner

9. Come home early for a month even if you two won't talk much at first. See if you will go back to laughing and talking. Communication will not happen if you will not avail your presence

10. Ask yourself, if you were to advice someone in the same dilemma as you, what would you advice them?

11. Thank your partner more than you complain. See if your perspective will change

12. Find out if the negative opinion you have formed about your partner is born out of rumors, assumptions that outsiders make about your partner, your insecurities, misplaced fears or unhealthy and overzelous religious views, or is it based on facts

13. Don't speak of divorce or a break up until you are one hundred percent sure that is what you want

14. Try to be courteous to your spouse especially over the phone. Even if you two will break up, be civil about it

15. Do something that you love and brings you joy, go watch a movie, travel (not to have an affair), go volunteer at a children's home, apply for gym or dance classes, find a new hobby, change your wardrobe; focus on you. This takes off the pressure from your relationship/marriage and allows you to think objectively

16. Find out if you have a history of overthinking, exaggerating or impatience. Maybe all your relationship/marriage needs is some patience and level headedness

17. Take your partner out on a date, not to talk about issues but to bond as friends

18. Ask yourself if you have been a good partner/spouse, not according to your standards but God's. Maybe you are part of the problem, if not the problem

19. Pray for your spouse not to change to your liking, pray for him/her as someone loved by God just like you are loved by God

20. Go for counselling. A good counsellor will help you understand each other and join your story, helping you identify the root problem and solution

© Akello Oliech and Dayan Masinde

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